The Tale of Monster Mirror and the Killer Sofas

Once upon a time (2005), in a land far far away (Denver) there was a mirror who dreamt of being a grand showcase in a home. The mirror waited every day in the mega furniture warehouse for someone to take him home, hang him on the wall and have crowds of people admire his graceful lines and stunning presence. One day, innocent homeowners (whom we shall call “Anna” and “Sleve”) did just that and purchased the mirror. He was giddy with delight—finally his day had come!

Little did Mirror know that Anna and Sleve were hesitant about putting him on the wall. Instead of being the stunning art piece he had always wanted, Mirror was relegated to being a wardrobe consultant in their bedroom. He stayed there for two years, propped against the wall, advising them if their shoes matched their shirt or if those pants made them look fat. In this time, the rage and frustration in Mirror grew. The years of being hidden from the world soured Mirror’s soul and evil had blacked his heart. He had turned into…(dum, dum, dum!) MONSTER MIRROR.

Monster Mirror plotted his revenge against Anna and Sleve until one day, the time had come. Anna and Sleve planned to finally hang Mirror in the front room. Monster Mirror’s reign of terror could begin! He would cause them great frustration and sorrow as payback for his years of hidden shame. “I will make them drill many holes, remeasure many times and have leveling issues!” he said.

Monster Mirror needed to be hung on studs because of his huge size. However his mounting brackets were inconveniently located to not meet up with the studs in the wall. Anna and Sleve decided to remount the brackets on Monster Mirror to be in line with the studs. Little did they know that doing this would start a cycle of destruction that would continue for days!

After seemingly careful measurement, Sleve began to drill the holes for the mounting brackets in Monster Mirror’s back. Then suddenly a CRACK noise reverberated within the walls and Monster Mirror wailed “My face! My face! They’ve destroyed me!”

Indeed they had. A foot long crack ran down the face of the mirror. All hope was lost. Monster Mirror was dead.

Just then, Anna had an idea. This Mirror could be saved! So, Anna and Sleve stayed up late, plotting and toiling, burning the midnight oil, all in hopes of brining Monster Mirror back to life.

The next day, they set out on a journey to the great wizard’s home (Home Depot) to find a way to make Mirror whole again. After consulting with the wizard (Bob in the paint department), they purchased glass frost in hopes that it would cover the crack. It would not. They tried in vain to save Monster Mirror with frosting—it simply did not cover the crack.

Monster Mirror appreciated their efforts, but felt like his time had come. “I’ll surely see the dumpster now.”

However, Anna and Sleve planned one more attempt to save him. They headed back to the great wizard’s home (Home Depot) and spoke again with the wizard (Bob in the paint department) about a way to save Monster Mirror. This time, they would try paint.

Upon returning home, Anna and Sleve set out to make Monster Mirror whole again. This time, it worked! The paint covered the crack. It made Monster Mirror good looking enough to be featured on the wall. Mirror appreciated their efforts and decided to forgo all the inaccurate measuring and leveling plans he had plotted earlier. He went up on the wall with ease.

However, earlier that day, Monster Mirror had conspired with the Sofas in the house to cause destruction to Anna and Sleve. In his relief of being repaired, he had forgotten to tell the sofas to forgive Anna and Sleve. Instead, the sofas had plotted their own revenge for Monster Mirror!

Anna and Sleve had decided to switch sofas between the front room and upstairs loft to better highlight Monster Mirror. What they thought would be an easy task proved to be an attack of the KILLER SOFAS!

Anna and Sleve hauled the front room sofa upstairs and carried the back-breaking loft sofa downstairs. They were exhausted, but happy to have the moving done—so they thought! The loft sofa had decided to not fit into the front living room. He was too large and laughed in the face of Anna and Sleve.

Anna and Sleve neared defeat as they wondered what to do next. “Do they move loft sofa back upstairs? No, they thought—we will not be defeated by a plush, microfiber sofa! We are stronger than that!”

Their next move was reserved for only the bravest of spirit, the clearest of heart. They would move the giant sofa and loveseat from the family room into the front room and place the loft sofa in the family room. The Killer Sofas had not expected this move. “Surely they would not attempt it!” they thought. With no plan in place to defeat Anna and Sleve’s intentions, the sofas obliged. The move went well and finally, everything was in its place.

As Anna and Sleve sat in the newly designed front room, Sleve said “If we were in the movies, the mirror would fall down now.” Monster Mirror laughed heartily at this joke and said “Not yet, Sleve. Not yet.” as a gleam of evil still twinkled in his reflection.

To see pictures of this heroic battle, go to http://picasaweb.google.com/stevenclampitt/MirrorProjectFromHell